Phyllis Marie Lee (maiden name Bretthauer)

Feb 18 1928 – Oct 19 2026 (98 years on earth).

Mom’s Story – as recollected by her daughter Corliss Lee

THE EARLY YEARS

Phyllis was born in Iowa to Louis and Irene Bretthauer (maiden name Krog) on Feb 18 1928.

Phyllis’ grandfather (her mother Irene’s father) was one of the founders of the Lutheran Church in their small town and a pastor of that church. From the beginning, her relationship with God and her church figured prominently in her life. Phyllis lived on a farm in Iowa outside the small town of Ute. It was a 2 story farmhouse with her family on the 2nd floor and her uncle Ed’s family on the 1st floor. She had 1 sister Francis and 2 younger brothers Dick and Wilbur, but also had cousins that were much like siblings. Fern, Donna, Gloria and cousin Warnie also lived under the same roof so with 8 kids in that house, it was never a dull moment.

Mom loved Saturday night – town night, when all the local farm families drove to the town of Ute and socialized. The men sat on barstools drinking beer and playing pool while the women sat in cars chatting. The kids ran the streets. It was a safe place for kids in the 1930s and 40s.

The kids in mom’s family all went to a country school in their elementary years. While in high school, Phyllis’ mother Irene became mentally ill and one day stuffed sheets in the wood burning stove. The house caught fire and burned down, luckily while all the kids were at school. The only thing that survived that fire was the family bible. The relatives got together to decide how to handle the kids while their mother Irene was in a hospital. They decided Phyllis should quit school and take care of her brothers and sister. Phyllis pitched a fit and put her foot down refusing that fate. She screamed at her aunt that had proposed it and stomped up the stairs. She was spunky. The relatives gave up on that idea and the kids were split up and moved in with various relatives. Phyllis and her cousin Fern moved in with Aunt Lilly Bretthauer, an unmarried woman that had a house in town. Phyllis and Fern loved the life of being townies. The boys in that town would steal cars from the men that were in the bars and race around the countryside, at one point rolling a car down an embankment with Phyllis and Fern inside. Phyllis had a wild side.

MARRIAGE AND CHILDREN

Phyllis met Gerald Ellsworth Lee (nickname Bus or Buster) and agreed to marry him when she was 20 years old in Oct 1948. She went to school for 3 months to get her certificate to teach at a country school.

The young married couple moved to the country and lived in an old school house where she was the teacher of 9 or 10 country kids while her husband rented land to farm. It was in that schoolhouse that she conceived her first child Keith, who was born Aug 20th 1949 when she was just 21 years old.

Somewhere along the line they moved to Moorhead Iowa, not far from Ute. Their 2nd child Corliss tried to poke her head out early and there is a story of a wild ride across the corn fields in the back of a hay wagon pulled by a tractor during a freak snow storm in April 1951 in an attempt to get to town and a doctor. Labor stopped that day by some miracle and Corliss was eventually born June 4, 1951 but still in stressful circumstances. A doctor once said that both mother and child should not have survived that birth. He called it an example of a “miracle birth.” Phyllis was told by every doctor she visited not to do it again. They had planned to have 4 children but they only had 2.

CALIFORNIA - HERE I COME

7 hard years of farming with nothing to show for it caused Phyllis and Buster to throw in the towel and give up farming. They moved to Hawthorne California where Buster found work at Western Airlines. What had at first seemed like the worst thing that could happen – failing at farming – leaving the family in Iowa - turned out to be a huge blessing. No more freezing winters. No more blazing hot summers. No more working your fingers to the bone for nothing. You could wear shorts in December. Life was good.

Phyllis worked for a time in a dental office to help pay off the bills from their farming days. Buster wanted a stay-at-home wife – someone to care for the children, cook, clean, take care of the home. Phyllis loved working but she relented and quit her job. Boredom set in. By 10 am the house was clean and all she had to do was wait for the kids to get out of school at 3pm. 5 hours a day of twiddling her thumbs. She was a high energy woman and needed more than that.

PHYLLIS FINDS HER PURPOSE IN LIFE

Phyllis read a news story about the need for foster care for children in difficult circumstances. Her husband was willing to try it to keep his wife happy. It was 1960 and Phyllis had found her calling. She loved little kids and taking care of them.

Kenny was the 3rd child that came to our family through foster care. He was 3 years old and bonded quickly with his older brother Keith. When he became available for adoption, the Lees jumped at the chance to make him a permanent part of the family.

There were many children that came and went over the years but at one point Social Services asked to place a battered baby, just 9 months old in the Lee home. Joseph Kelly was a happy baby, enormous in size. Phyllis was determined to never let harm come to him again. She had a special bond with Joe and was very protective of him. At one point Phyllis was notified that Joe’s birth mother had kidnapped her daughter from another foster home and was on her way to get Joe. Phyllis called her husband to come home from work and armed herself with a crowbar while she waited for her husband. She had no intention of allowing anyone that may have been the batterer of that child to harm him again. No one showed up that day so all was well that ended well. When Joe was released for adoption he was added to the family. Now the Lees had a family of Two biological children,

Two adopted children and in most cases, they also had two foster children for a total of six kids in the house. Add to that the friends of all the children and it was a lively place. One of my friends dubbed Phyllis “Our Lady of Inglewood.”

There was never a TV dinner – Phyllis cooked homemade food every night. She did all the cleaning, laundry and gardening. All children in the family went to Lutheran School in their elementary school years. The family attended church and Sunday school every Sunday. Everyone went on vacations together. If you were in the Lee family, life was good.

As Phyllis and Bus got older, they took older children. The era of teenagers got pretty wild. Sometimes they sneaked out the window after dark. Phyllis said she had to resign herself to a small measure of success. If she could just keep them in school one more day, she was doing something for them.

Quite by accident a foster child came into the family that had special needs. Lorna was Korean and had been placed in foster care as an abused child. Along the way Phyllis figured out that someone had lied about Lorna’s age and she was actually older than her records showed. To keep Lorna, Phyllis and Buster had to apply for a license to take handicapped kids and so began an era of caring for many children/adults that required special attention. Phyllis took classes at the local college to learn more and became very competent in dealing with a large spectrum of handicapped children and adults.

Phyllis loved her life’s work. She never wanted to quit but eventually the criteria for managing a foster home became unreasonable. When the rules of the State required there be no egress that required going through a common area in the home, the Lees made the decision to retire. Cutting holes for doors to the outside from bedrooms was a bridge too far.

Buster calculated that they had taken in 47 children from all walks of life, various ages and nationalities, over the course of their years working in foster care.

GRANDCHILDREN AND GREAT GRANDCHILDREN

That was not the end of her work though. Phyllis and Buster took their granddaughter Chelsey during the week to allow her mother to get a nursing degree at a local college. Great grandchild Nathaniel came daily while his aunt Liz handled his care. Tony Watke came from Iowa to find work and stayed a couple of years with the Lees.

Later on, grandchild Erin moved in for a time with her husband and children Joshua, Garrett and Natalie.

There was always room for family.

RETIREMENT YEARS & END OF LIFE

Phyllis’ husband retired in his 60s. They did square dancing and travelled for a time.

Buster passed away from cancer when Phyllis was 70 and he was 75. At age 70 she had to learn to manage her life as a single woman. She was an avid gardener and joined the Lakewood Garden

Club; she joined an exercise class at the local park; and always was a consistent patron of Bethany Lutheran church, which she had made her spiritual home. She lived in her Long Beach home until she was 94 years old. When arthritis set in, she spent time in hospitals and rehabs and eventually moved to Crofton Manor Assisted Living where she lived out her days, passing at 6:05 am on the morning of Oct 19 2026 at age 98.

A LIFE WELL LIVED

Her beautiful manners and lovely disposition made her well liked wherever she went.

Her work ethic and careful frugal management of family assets was admirable, leaving her family with significant help for their future.

Her tender heart and consistent faith in God made for expressions of love all around her.

Her love of children was a beauty to behold. It was amazing to watch children respond to her careful listening and intense interest in them. Children always brought a smile to her face.

Her wisdom and maturity contributed to success in handling people.

Her listening skills gave her incredible insight into those around her.

She was not judgmental but rather patient and tolerant.

She was dear to her caregivers at the end of her days.

TILL WE MEET AGAIN

We were fortunate to have had her - but now we must let her go. I assume she will take her place among the angels in heaven and be given an assignment with the younger souls.